How to Bring Up Eating Concerns to Your Teenager or Young Adult Child

A theme I have heard from parents of teenager with eating disorders over and over in my career sounds something like this: “We have been concerned about her eating for the past few __ (months, years, etc), and we’ve tried to say something here or there, but she gets upset. We don’t want to over step or push her away”. The theme encompassed in that phrase is this: Parents care. Parents are concerned. Parents don’t know when to step in or how to help. Mostly the theme is: Parents know when something is wrong and eating concerns are present long before they take the first step to get help. And there is no shame in trying to help your child on their own terms or gently- but when it comes to adolescent eating disorders there is great risk in waiting to say something or do something.

If you are looking for treatment for adolescent eating disorders in Columbus, Ohio, please click here.

Let’s explore why it is that parents typically are concerned and worried about their child’s eating habits for months or years before they strongly intervene. My guess is that it is our culture around food, eating, dieting and body image. Especially in teenage and developmental years, this can be a tricky and touchy subject. Adolescents bodies are constantly changing and growing and no parent wants to say the wrong thing that will send their teenager upstairs screaming or crying in a fit. Teenagers hormones are through the roof and if you are a parent, you know one little word can trigger an epic breakdown, especially when it comes to things like appearance, dating or fitting in. Teenagers are trying to figure out who they are in their new body that is still changing almost constantly. They are now worried about appearance more than ever before, and with that, attracting partners and being attracted. They are often going through transitions, trying to fit in to new groups and social circles, a lot of that revolving around appearance in their minds. Locker room and sleepover talk centers around this outfit, that body part, this makeup, that acne, this prom dress, that hookup. It is a difficult time when it comes to body image and development and parents are just trying to keep up and not overstep as their child is turning into an adult.

In addition to teenage hormones, we live in a “Diet-culture” where society is constantly praising weight-loss, “eating healthy”, excessive exercise, “Clean eating”, on and on. Unfortunately, many eating disorders start off with these socially accepted behaviors or cutting out sweets or carbs, eating “clean” foods, or exercising more. It can be difficult to determine what is a health promoting behavior and what is cause for concern. And with eating disorders, they can quickly move from something “typical” into a dangerous pattern of behavior in days or weeks. Something that starts out as a way to be “healthier” or a diet for prom can quickly turn into an eating disorder before you even look up. And I’ve seen it happen over and over again. When parents come into the initial assessment, they share “she was just saying she wanted to eat healthier and be more fit and we thought ‘okay well that’s great”. And let me be clear, THIS IS NOT PARENTS FAULT! Every child who diets or begins exercising will NOT develop an eating disorder. But SOME will. And there is no way of knowing which. So this is not to make anyone feel bad or blame themselves, but rather to give parents who may have concern the confidence to take steps to get their child evaluated for an eating disorder, before it gets worse.

If you can relate to the above paragraphs, here are the next steps to take and some advice to help you along this journey. If your child is exhibiting concerning eating, exercise or body image behaviors, here is when to be concerned and how to help them. Schedule a free consultation call.

1. Don’t be afraid to talk

Many parents are worried about saying the wrong thing or “putting ideas” in their child’s head if they bring up eating disorders. Let me reassure you, children know way too much about disordered eating behaviors and have already had exposure to eating disorder, either via friends, the internet or their health class (don’t get me started on the last one). The research shows that bringing up concerns to your child about mental health (wheter that is suicide or something else) does not put ideas in their head, in fact, it does the opposite and can be a positive intervention to support your child if they are struggling.

2. Create a safe space to talk

So talk. Create a safe space for this conversation when your child is in a good mood and feels like they can talk. Maybe take a drive (kids feel more comfortable opening up when they don’t have to make direct eye contact) or go on a walk in the park or get ice cream. Make sure you have time to talk and turn your phone on do not disturb. Don’t do it when your child has a big test the next day or just got in a fight with their best friend. This may take some time to find the right time, but don’t put it off too long. Make it a priority.

3. Be direct and honest

Don’t sugarcoat it. Children are perceptive and can see right through you if you aren’t being genuine. Tell your child, “these are my concerns”. Whether they are in high school or college, your child needs to hear the truth about behaviors you have been observing. Eating disorders often think that no one notices the behaviors and that everyone around them is “overreacting”. Don’t be surprised if you hear a response like that, or your child tells you, “everyone does it”. Don’t take that for an answer. Tell them, “well you didn’t used to it and I don’t think it’s healthy”. Share what you have observed directly, without any interpretation or judgement. They can’t argue with facts.

4. Have a plan

Ideally, you will have discussed this with your partner or child’s parent and will both be on the same page. When you come to your child with concerns, have a plan for what you would like the next step to be. Maybe you want to resume family dinners and expect your child to participate. Maybe you want them to eat a snack in front of you before practice. Maybe you want them to face time you at the dining hall with their dinner. Whatever you decide, make sure you have quantifiable measures that you can bring to your child to make sure they are making changes in the short term. Don’t just say, “I want you to get better”. They won’t know what that means and that can lead to discord down the road if you don’t feel like they’ve made the changes you were expecting.

5. Get support

It is important that you have a team of professionals to help you along this journey. To determine if your child’s behaviors are typical or there is cause for concern, you are going to need expert help. Whether that is setting up a family meeting with their current therapist, a doctor’s appointment where you share your concern with the pediatrician or an evaluation with an eating disorder professional, get a trained professional involved. Set up an initial assessment. Reach out to your network to see if anyone has experience in dealing with this. Eating disorders are way more common than you think, and someone you know has likely dealt with this before.

Eating Disorders do not go away on their own- they require help from a professional therapist and a strong support team of parents, loved ones, dietitians and doctors. Inquire on my website today for more information on eating disorder treatment in Columbus, Ohio and to get started with your child’s eating disorder treatment today.

Schedule a free consultation call.

This blog is intended to be educational and informational and does not substitute for professional medical and therapeutic help, which is highly recommended when treating an eating disorder. If you would like help treating your child’s eating issues or want to learn more, Schedule a free consultation call today.