What if my child wants to become vegetarian/vegan?
In the last 10 years, we’ve seen a shift in culture and societal pressure to include less meat and animal products in our diets. Everything from alternative milks- we’ve got oat, almond, soy, cashew, you name it! To “Meatless Mondays” and non-meat, meat options such as vegan burgers that look like “real” meat. Restaurants and grocery stores have got on board with this trend and there are options for vegetarians and vegans almost everywhere- much more than there were 10 years ago. We now all know someone who is vegetarian or vegan or eating “less” meat. They don’t just live in LA and they aren’t just hippies- they are our neighbors and friends and maybe they are even us!
I know my passion for the environment and slowing global warming has influenced me to try to eat less meat in my home and I have explored my fair share of dairy free or vegan alternative options when it comes to milk, cheese, snacks, and more. Let me be clear- I think this is a good thing! I want to save our planet and eating less meat and animal products is a great way to make an individual impact.
When it comes to children or teenagers making this decision, that’s when my opinion gets more complicated.
Eating less meat or adding more vegetable based meals to your diet or your child’s diet is often a great option.
The problem is when the label of vegetarian or vegan comes into the picture, it becomes less about adding more of something and turns to eliminating a large food group all together.
This title and indentifier can start out virtuous and noble, but can turn into a restrictive diet and sometimes leads to restriction and disordered eating patterns. Many of my adolescent eating disorder treatment clients in Ohio’s journeys began with the choice to eliminate animal proteins and grew more and more restrictive from there. The brain clings to rules and guidelines- vegetarianism is very clear on that- no meat. Once you eliminate one large group, it can be difficult to allow for flexibility with other foods and can become very easy for the box of things you or your child eats to get smaller and smaller.
Let’s take a step back and walk through this scenario:
Your child comes to you an announces they want to become a vegetarian. They state their concerns are animal welfare and the environment. They are age appropriate to make this decision and you determine their motivations are sound. Now comes the question- do you allow this? Do you support it? Do you change what you are cooking and buying to cater to this change? So many questions come up. As our children get older, we want to allow them autonomy and freedom to make choices for themselves- this is a great thing! We’ve worked to shape them into capable adult human beings who make choices for themselves. We have also worked their whole lives to protect them and keep them safe and healthy. It can be a very tough balance to figure out where the line is- do I give them freedom with this choice or do I put my foot down? A question you will ask yourself over and over as the parent of a teenager.
It is important to note and consider the risks involved with allowing your child or teenager to become vegetarian or vegan:
1. Reduction in protein options. Yes, there are vegetarian protein options- but they are much fewer than animal protein sources. And you must consider- does your child eat them? If your child is a picky eater or does not like beans or has never even tried tofu- this could be a major concern.
2. Reduces opportunity for wide variety of food exposure in diet. With no restrctions on a child’s diet, they are able to eat a wide variety of foods and get a variety of nutrients- this is the goal and ideal diet for humans. With the restriction of a large food source, their options become more limited and might create a diet that lacks variety. (I.e., they are having cheese pizza every night because it is the only vegetarian option they like. )
3. It begins the restrictive/elimination mindset. With any diet or food restriction (allergy, etc.), it begins a habit or thinking pattern where we have to focus on the ingredients in our food and be hyper vigilant about labels, ingredients, eating out, etc. We no longer have the freedom to grab whatever we want for a snack quickly or go to any restaurant and find something on the menu. We must put time and effort in food and planning and this can be challenging for a child/teen. It can also lead to elimination of other foods- if I’m not eating meat and that’s “good” and “healthy”, what else can I eliminate? Maybe I’ll cut out all animal products and become vegan.
4. If they are at risk for an eating disorder (-they run in the family, they have a history of body image/disordered eating,-they are Type A/perfectionist, -they are at a pivotal stage in development, -others around them are engaging in disordered eating), becoming vegetarian could tip the scale in the wrong direction. It opens up the “dieting” and restricting mentality and gives a false sense of superiority that the eating disorder voice can feed on.
My advice as a child and adolescent eating disorder therapist who has worked with children and teens with eating disorders in Ohio, is to put stipulations around your child’s desire to be vegetarian, such as:
-They can chose to eat less meat when they are ordering at restaurants or making their own food, but you will continue to make meat dishes at home.
-They can cook a vegetarian meal for the family one night per week
-They must get enough protein in their diet from a variety of sources
-They must eat enough calories including carbs, fat and protein
-If you notice they are not getting enough in, you will revoke the privilege to make food choices
You are in charge of your child while they live in your home and have full power to make choices and influence what they eat in order to make sure they are healthy and not at risk for developing an eating disorder.
It is an individual decision that you have to make as a parent and as a family, but I want to empower you to make the right choice for your child, even if it won’t be a popular choice.
You don’t need your child to like you, you need them to live.
And ideally to look back when they are an adult and respect you for protecting them and helping them navigate this world. I would much rather my child think I am mean than have them develop an eating disorder because I did not intervene or did not think I had the right to intervene in their food choices. It is your responsibility to make sure your child is eating enough and eating a variety of foods so they grow and develop appropriately.
If you need support in having this conversation with your parent, family or child, please reach out. I would love to talk you through this difficult conversation and help you make a plan for how to best support your child through their journey.
If you have more questions about eating disorders or eating disorder treating in Ohio, eating disorder treatment in Utah or eating disorder treatment in New Jersey, please reach out here.
Navigating eating disorder treatment can be daunting. If you need help along your journey, please reach out to schedule a free consultation call.
DISCLAIMER: The advice on this blog is for entertainment purposes only and is not indented to be medical or therapeutic advice.