Can we take a Summer Vacation when my Child has an Eating Disorder?
As summer approaches, I thought it would be beneficial to address this question I have heard many times from families-Can we take a vacation when our child has an eating disorder?
As you might imagine, the answer is not a simple yes or no and depends on many factors. My first and most important advise is-
Ask you child’s treatment team and defer to their expertise and guidance. This is a difficult question for treatment providers to answer. Most of us come from a family-systems lense where we are taught to look at how the family is functioning as a whole and what is best for the family as a whole, including siblings. When thinking about brothers and sisters who have likely missed out on things and suffered through difficult times with the eating disorder in the home, it can be tempting to say “Yes of course, go on vacation! The siblings need it!”. We also know as parents how exhausted you are from dealing with the eating disorder and taking care of yourself as a caregiver is one of our top priorities for you. Another easy “yes!” right? Sometimes a family vacation can sound like a much needed break from the stress and chaos that is eating disorder treatment. Treatment providers know how important family traditions and bonding are during this stressful time and take into consideration the mental health of all family members when considering the pros and cons of a family vacation.
Let’s look at the other side- a break in treatment can be very disruptive to progress made and can sometimes be a setback for your child and your family. If your child is in treatment, this could mean losing their spot or waiting longer on a waitlist to accommodate travel plans. Any delay in treatment when it comes to childhood eating disorders is a risk.
We also want to think about what message this vacation is sending to the child with an eating disorder. Could they know that you are delaying treatment to go on this vacation? What message does that send about the importance of eating disorder treatment? Do they know you might be risking losing a spot in line for treatment? Consider how the eating disorder could use any information about this vacation against you, because the eating disorder will.
On the other hand, we have to also think about how the child with the eating disorder will feel if their family can’t go on vacation this year? The sick child often already has guilt for missed events and taking time from other siblings. Missing a big event because of the eating disorder can be difficult on all of the children. Siblings may hold a grudge or feel some type of way toward their ill sibling.
OK- let’s say the treatment team has given you the go-ahead and you won’t be disrupting eating disorder treatment for your child-
Woohoo! Beach time!!
Right?
Depending on where you are with the eating disorder, many aspects of vacation could be challenging.
Let’s imagine- you get up on your first day after sleeping in and walk to the local coffee shop. Sounds amazing right? Well for your child with an eating disorder, they may have already missed their typical breakfast time so their meal schedule for the day is thrown off. Walking to the coffee shop may be more activity than they typically have in the morning.
You get to the coffee shop & all they have is donuts. They were supposed to have smoothies and sandwiches when you checked online, but their kitchen is down and donuts is it. Donuts are a HUGE fear food for your child with an eating disorder. You have a choice- make your child have the donut in the coffee shop and risk starting your day with a huge melt down or allow them to skip the donut and be sure to get them a larger lunch. Either way, your morning is not off to an ideal start.
You head to the beach- time to relax! Right? Well, maybe. Your child with an eating disorder has to put on a swimsuit for the first time since their disorder began. This is a highly stressful and triggering event for them. They do not like how they look and refuse to go to the beach with the family. Dilema number 2- make them come or risk leaving them back unattended? OR stay with them and miss the beach day?
OK you get to the beach- finally. By this point, it’s 1 o’clock. Has your child had breakfast, snack, lunch? Did you pack enough snacks? Are they swimming, walking, or playing too much? Are they comparing to others in swimsuits?
Your family wants to go to the amusement park, but you know that would be too much activity for your sick child. Do you say no? or let them go and leave your sick child out?
Let’s say you’ve made it through the beach day and are ready for dinner. You go out to the restaurant and find out the wait is two hours. Thrown off meal plan schedule again. Once you finally sit down ,the food is so different from what your sick child is used to eating and there are so many options, they become completely overwhelmed and don’t know what to order. You try to get them something you know they will eat, because they haven’t eaten enough today and you know they need to eat something. They order a salad, which is not enough, especially with all the extra activity today. The waiter brings it out with the wrong dressing and you’ve been waiting so long there is no time to send it back. Your child is so stressed from the crowd and the noise, they find it difficult to eat any of it.
Now, all of this is a fictional scenario and not meant to scare you or deter you from vacationing, but meant to help you consider the worst case scenario and prepare for how you would handle it. My #1 piece of advice when thinking about a family vacation is to sit with your therapist or other treatment provider and plan for every possible scenario of vacation so that you are prepared and know what to do. Feeding and caring for a child with an eating disorder is hard. It is even harder when you are away from your usual routines, resources, foods and environments. It can put stress on you and your child.
Family vacations with eating disorders can be done and done successfully. I have seen it myself-families chose a place they know well and are comfortable in. They do most meals at home or have practiced restaurant eating and challenge foods many times. They pack LOTS of snacks and set reminders to get them in. They let everyone they are going with know about the eating disorder and the meal plan ahead of time. They chose activities that don’t require a lot of energy expenditure and consult with their team about needing more nutrition for certain activities. They also have a contingency plan and are prepared to come home early if things are not working.
I have also seen many vacations not be as well thought out and have had many clients come back with weight loss and progress lost. It is a risk/reward, pro/con situation and is different for every child and family! It really depends where your child is in their eating disorder journey, what the vacation will look like and how confident you feel as a family in managing the eating disorder in a new environment.
An eating disorder evaluation is the first step on the journey to full recovery for your struggling child. Please schedule a free consultation call to see if an eating disorder assessment is recommended for your child.